what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
