dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
