So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize