Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
