i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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