i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
me + whiskey = a bad person
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
