u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
