while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
