I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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