He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
