There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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