The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
