You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
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