I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
