Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
