I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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