Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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