I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize