i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
