Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
