Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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