I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
