my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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