am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
