She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i believe in u and ur pee
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
