ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Found your dick twin last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
