yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
