Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
