i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
