Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
