I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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