take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
