I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
