Your mouth is God's brothel.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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