just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize