as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
