I'm gonna have a badass scar
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
