Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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