just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
