I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this beer tastes like vomit already
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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