he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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