he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
