some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
