For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
