his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
