she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
