so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
