my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
