Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
