Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want her autograph on my taint
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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