i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
