You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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