its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
