i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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