"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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