Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
