Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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