my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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