Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
