what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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