oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
