The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize