you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is Oprah even human
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You ruined the universe
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
