sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
