You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
