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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's shark week go big or go home
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
