I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize