Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
