Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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