make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
