just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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