ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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