sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
