my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
