They should really pass out barf bags in church
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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