I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
