is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
