Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize