I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
