I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
