Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
