Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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