when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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