There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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